Untitled

The emotion has been poured out of me...
My face is pale and my eyes look dull and gray.
My mind is shaking like it has been a martini.

A cancer that can't be cured...
Just played with.
The secrets are being unveiled.
We can just taste it.

But it is out of our reach.
It is out of our reach.

I can only wonder what the second turn is like...
If there is one.

I lie awake tonight wondering where my flaws played.
And where they had told my secrets.

Eyes will always hold the secrets no matter what.
Look deep into mine, you will see more than just tears.

If this moment ever passes us...
I only pray we move forward.

To see the light in front of us.
To breathe the sweetness of the salty breeze.

If only if only...

We could act upon our greediness.
We could replace our hopes with dreams.
We could be something we're not.

In hopes to find something better than this....

To Be Or Knot To Be

I'm at the end of this road....
Behind me lies the past fading into the distance.
In front of me lies the sunshine and new beginnings.

I weigh in on the differences.
The pros and cons of each.
I cannot contain this pressure anymore.

But I'm willing to bite my tongue in hopes for something to last.
I'm not sure, but I am sure.

I've longed to see a brighter day and a better beginning.
All this is happening...
And I'm at a loss for words over it.

So many differences, so many similarities...
Fighting for something isn't even worth it.
Or is it?

A tangled mess lies in my mind...

Slowly, I find the source of this mess...

Me.

Take Me to the Nearest Window

I'm looking into the eyes of the sky.
Wondering where the stars will lead me.
I'm scared because what if I don't catch my dreams in time?
Will the stars even free me?

I'm confused and shaken,
calm and at ease.
I can't figure out where I am going...


The sky is the limit,
but I'm far beyond that.
I'm going where no one has gone before.
Take me to the nearest window,
and I will open the nearest door.

I'll show you a place that you haven't seen.
Where wishes are granted and realities are dreams.
Those dreams we dreamed time and time again,
become real as real can be my lovely friend.

Although I cannot think right now,
I can tell you where we will be.
Beneath the moon's shadow and
underneath a sea of dreams.

We'll swim to the bottom of the jar
and inhale every belief and opinion.
We'll live off the pure imagination.
And begin where we had ended.

And underneath that moon of shadows
and above the sea of dreams,
we stand together looking for more
than just a sea and moon beams.

We look off into the horizon.
Trying to picture what is waiting for us.
Exhaling the words we never thought before,
thinking of love and lust.

Lust was so simple for us.
It was more powerful than the wave of the sea.
It tossed us around and drowned us.
In that jar that holds our dreams.

Let's race to the nearest window,
and I'll unlock the nearst door.
Together we will find our way
from the sea and onto the shore.

Our dreams still being kept in the chest...
At the bottom of the jar.
Forever to be chased,
just like that shooting star.

Dizzy on the Dance Floor

I woke up this morning feeling different.

I somewhat know why, but I don't want to. 

Decisions I made I shouldn't have done. 

It kind of makes me sick to think about it. 

It was never about being the center of attention....

It was about being understood on more than just one level... 

So here I am... 

Not knowing what I want anymore... 

Not knowing what to think. 

I lie here with this blank expression. 

Debating between my mind and heart. 

Judging on everything we had and have. 

Trying to make some better decisions... 

Not letting my mouth run on. 

Not letting my body run on either. 

You're someone who I think understands me... 

You see my flaws and don't care I hope. 

But we will see...

We always see...

Losing Something I Don't Have

She saw the world from a different view.

But no one would even notice. 

She tried to open her heart to others. 

But all they did was close it. 

She's scared to walk this path alone. 

Scared to see what people think. 

As her fear begins to grow,

her heart begins to shrink.

Trust is being lost everyday. 

And she prays to God it comes back. 

She sits here by herself. 

Her tears begin to stack.

Someone help her please. 

She's losing her sanity. 

She's already losing her tears,

now she is losing her vanity.

She tries not to care what people think. 

But really it's every thought. 

Her mind can take all of this...

But her heart can't take a lot.

Her hair is in her face... 

She tries not to look around her. 

She finds herself in another world...

And everything else becomes a blur.

Her dreams are so far from her reach. 

She doesn't know if she can make it. 

The smile has been wiped from her face. 

She can no longer even fake it. 

Be happy they say... 

But they don't know...

What really goes on inside her... 

Secrets lie behind the eyes. 

She doesn't say a word.

Rewind. Restart.

I'm drowning...

But I have no one to blame but myself. 

I made it this way. 

Today was just a day set for failure. 

Sad thing is, I didn't even care. 

By the end of the day I was so ready for it... 

I think when you get to the point where you don't even care anymore... 

That's when it hurts the most. 

Because that's where I am. 

Today was just so horrible... 

I can't help but think how bad it turned out. 

Yes it was my attitude, yes it was my thoughts. 

I still didn't care. 

I'm losing progress with myself so fast. 

I'm wondering why is this depression ruining me?

I rarely have bad days... 

And when I do, it feels like the end of the world. 

Today would have to be one of those days... 

This entry isn't poetic or artistic or anything... 

Just me venting...

Because right now I don't know what else to do. 

My parents are trying to give me these "no you're doing this" sort of thing. 

Have they not woken up and seen who I am?

I can make my own decisions... 

And starting now, you will begin to see a better me...