What You See is What You Don't Get

This year is coming to a close.
And I've learned a lot...

Family.
Even though we can never get along but in the oddest moments,
we will still be loved by them when the world comes crashing down.
I've finally connected with my step sister and now I think of her
as a sister.
My mom and I argue more than democrats and republicans but we live and we love.


Friends.
They are the ones who pick you up when you are down. The ones
who would risk their life just to see you smile. Where would we be without friends?
I love my friends and I have made more than I have ever dreamed of making. Real friends.
The ones who will stick by your side for a long time. Those are the friends we all need.
And I've found quite a few. I'm lucky.

Love.
So I've been in love. You could say I was. I don't think of it as love anymore.
Though it took many months to move on, I finally did.
And to be honest... It made me stronger.
You will always remember your first love.
No matter how much regret I have, I will still remember him.
I know he will still remember me.
Forever and always.

Money.
This is something that is always nice to have. But I don't think life should really revolve around it.
True happiness can't be found by owning the biggest house or having the most expensive clothes.
Money doesn't keep the world going. The world keeps itself going. We just wanted order.

Happiness.
Happiness can be found in every second of every day if we looked at life that way.
Wake up with a smile. And a good attitude. It seriously helps you through out the day.
Life can be too short to never find happiness. Don't live out life without it.
Because in the end you will regret not finding it sooner.

This year has taught me many things and I'm extremely excited to see what next year will teach me.

For now, I'm still on that journey of finding myself...
But I'm also stopping to observe life and smell the roses.

For the Servantless American Cook

If I look back on everything I've ever
cooked in my soon to be 18 years of living,
only one dish comes to mind.

Chicken and dumplings.
A southern dish that's hearty and filling,
yet light enough for a snack.

Why is this entry about food you might ask?
For my 18th birthday I can happily tell you I got what I wanted.

Not only did I get the Julie & Julia dvd...
But I got Mastering the Art of French Cooking as well.
Along with a recipe keeper.

My favorite movie, my favorite cook book...
To me, I couldn't be happier as a chef.

I day dream of living the life Julia had.
France in 1949 must have been amazing.

If we as people can't bring ourselves together...
You know food can.

And it always will.

So what have I got left to say on the subject of cooking?

Make it an adventure.
Just like Julia Child did.

Open Book. Open Heart. Open Mind.

I lie here thinking...

I'm growing up.
At this thought...

I am a little frightened.
But excited.

There are so many things to experience in life.
And we all rarely see the beauty of something new.

Right?

I'm ready to travel.
And taste the world's finest food.
Along with its' culture.

So many cultures.
So many smiles.

We're all the same but different.

And we never stop to realize it.
Try to look at someone,
and see what beauty comes from them.

Whether it be from their voice, their smile, or anything else.
We're all beautiful.

We see ourselves as beautiful.
And to others, if they looked...
Could see the same thing.

Sex Wears Stilettos

More secrets are being unwrapped from
this surprise present we call life.

I was curious to know who you really were.
And now, I am finding out exactly who you are.

What happened to the little girl who loved puppy dogs?
You're growing up too fast.

I was the same at your age even though I don't
want to admitt it.

But don't look up to me as a role model.
I'm still trying to find myself.

I know you are trying to figure out who you are...
But you can wait when it comes to sex.

Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
And you shouldn't put yourself in that situation.

Is someone pressuring you?
Is someone making fun of you for waiting?

Don't crack under pressure.
Because if you do, you almost always will.

Please don't be like how I was...
It took me so long to over come my mistakes.

So you should learn from the ones I made.
If you would just ask...

Never be afraid to ask me anything.
Cause I never had anyone to ask.

Please just ask me...

Eyes of Flirtation

I dare you to move.
Reach out and hold my hand.
I'm waiting for you to make the first move.

You've seemed to unlock a new part of me.
'Cause now I'm always smiling.
And having a good day every day.

How did you do this?
Was it magic?
Or pure chemistry?

Well I believe in magic.
And for chemistry...
I've never had a passing grade in it.

So we'll have to see where this goes.
I'm ready to move.
And I'm ready to let go of the rope.

Let's free fall.
With smiles and laughter.
Sparkling eyes and shyness.

A new beginning.
Being ourselves.
And finding each other.

Paint on a brush.
Lyrics to a song.
Kiss on the lips.
Hand in hand.
A boy and a girl.

Flying with Broken Wings

I'm ready to move on.
It's time to be more graceful.
And it's time for me to find the real me.
Even though I'm told I lost the real me long ago.

I'm not who you want me to be.
I just know how to handle you and everyone else.
Yes, sometimes I get mad.
And yes sometimes I cry.

But don't we all?
Are we ready to be who we are?
Or have we been ourselves all along?
Why do people say we aren't being ourselves?

I know I have relationship problems.
Everyone knows that.
Just stop trying to set me up.
Let me make my own mistakes.

I've made so many already...
Being myself got me no where before.
But being myself makes me happy.
So what if I haven't found the love of my life?

So what if I'm only 18.
Why are you pressuring me with this?
Why is everyone pressuring me to have a boyfriend?
Let me worry about it.

Stop babying me.
I'm old enough now to do things on my own.
And I'm old enough to tell you to stop.
So please, stop.

I'm a girl with broken wings.
But I still dream to fly.
Dreaming is getting me somewhere.
And trying is too.

Someday I'll make it.
Because I have the passion to.
And I'm working for it.
I'm not settling.

Ever...

Falling Off Fences

I should have known better...
Why did I ever let you close to me?

You are an amazing actor.
Pretending like you care about me.

You change your mind so often.
Stop it.

Make a decision and stick with it.
I'm tired of childish games.

Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in a drought.
But, here's a funny thing about the rain...

It comes when you least expect it.
And it can wash away everything that was once there.

So maybe I will wait...
For the rain.

So it can wash away everything about you.
You don't know who you could have had.

You don't know what you have lost.
Maybe it is better this way.

Maybe we weren't even meant to talk.
Hell if I know...

But I do know this...
I'm not a girl who is an option.

And I'm not going to wait around to be an option.
There's someone out there who wants me.

I just haven't found him yet.