A Regretful Rose

I remember you... 

But now you have changed so much. 

We lived as if we were princesses in our own time,

with our Barbie Doll houses and tea sets. 

Soon to be switched with heroin and sex. 

Once upon a time you were dreaming... 

Once upon a time you were believing...

What do you believe now?

Do you even dream anymore?

I'm so frightened for you. 

You are someone I care about. 

To see you doing this makes me disappointed.

I remember your father leaving you... 

I remember the horrible things he tried to do. 

Could you be drinking away your problems you had with him?

Or could it be the day you and I watched your grandfather's life end?

That day will forever live in my mind. 

I remember holding your hand as he took his last breath. 

He wouldn't want you doing this... 

I hope you know. 

He would be here to save you. 

Now, you must save yourself. 

I've tried to help you. 

But you have pushed me, your mother, and your sister away.

Please come back to us. 

You don't need this. 

I was like you once...

I had sex to get that feeling of being wanted...

And I regret it so badly. 

Because someone does want me. 

And someone will want you. 

Give people a chance. 

Look beyond looks. 

Inner beauty is so powerful.

You don't need sex to feel wanted or accepted.

Just be yourself before this... 

I promise you, everything gets easier with time. 

I've been there... 

And I'm never going back.

Reaching Too High

These wings are hurting...

And I'm starting to fall from the sky.

I'm trying with all my might to stay up.

But with situations like these, I can barely fly.

This is the last time.

This is the last time.

I keep telling myself.

I'm frightened I won't make it in time.

Scared that I won't be able to reach the stars I've always dreamed.

[photo taken by me]

Redoing a Fairytale

Here we are...

We are not back at square one,

but rather at something a little farther.

But not too far...

We've danced in the lime light of love before...

Only for it to end in tears and broken hearts.

I've learned from my mistakes along the way...

And I'm ready to redo this fairy tale.

Let's dance again.

But this time we won't be the center of attention.

Yes, you know I love attention...

Really, I'm just dying for yours.

You're so simple yet so complexed.

I can't figure you out easily and that drives me crazy.

Inhale, exhale...

Breath fading in and out.

Our eyes meet.

Our hearts beat just a bit faster.

We ask ourselves where do we go from here?

Forward.

Hand in hand...

Love for each other that will never end.

Finding the Found

I get the urge to just start living.

The time has come where I'm preparing to step out on my own.

And to be honest, I'm ready but I'm not.

I will always need someone by my side...

I can only hope in the end,

after all this searching,

that in the end it will be you.

I must search,

just because that is how I am.

In the end I will find myself.

And in the end I will find you again.

Careful, You Might Fall

At first I thought it would be easy to forget you...

But as time progressed and that long Saturday turned into another short Sunday,

I couldn't help but think of you.

I'm scared of the future and what will become of us.

Let's just say I'm scared to death.

Because I don't know where life will take me.

And I surely have no idea where life will take you.

You shocked me today.

It was so unexpected.

I really didn't know what to think....

Even the thought of you...

I can't catch my breath.

Is it hard knowing that I don't want to try it again?

Honesty kills.

I'm curious to know where we will go from here...

The End of The End

It's funny how we can take love and never give it back.

I can only hope there is someone out there for me.

Because I lie awake questioning what love really is.

And I wonder what it has in store for me.

I get hurt so easily.

But I can hurt them back just as quick.

It was never about revenge...

It was about having the assurance that he was for me.

In the end he left me guessing.

And in the end of the end he left me anyway.

I wonder if he would ever come back...

Or if I am even worth coming back to.

The Monster

I feel so weird.

Like I'm a different person.

This monster inside me is just waiting to be unleashed.

Look out people...

The monster may soon break free.

I don't know why this monster wants to break free...

It is attached to something...

Maybe because it has been hurt in the past.

Just by that one thing.

It's funny how I can sit here not really know what to write.

But the words just keep pouring out of my mind.

Like the rain in a storm.

Slowly the sprinkle turns violent.

Much like my emotions sometimes.

You will never see this monster of mine.

Unless you are willing to unlock its' cage.

Be aware at what the consequences are.

Be prepared to get hurt.

And once the monster is back in its' cage,

the world will be back to normal once more.

The Subway Never Sleeps

Beneath the busy city, under the crowded streets,

There lies a darkened tunnel with a subway the never sleeps.

It takes people from here to there and everywhere in between.

But have you ever stopped to observe all the people you have seen?

As I walked from the street into the abandoned concrete box,

I came upon a drunken man who stared at the wall and talked.

He said “Mama never loved me when I was just a child. So here I am now mama, with a bottle and a smile.”

His brief case was half way open, his tie wasn’t even tight.

I quickly glanced into his eyes; the man looked like he had been having a rough night.

He looked into the bottle; nothing was left but a drop.

The lights began to flicker; the subway came to a stop.

We both entered the metallic train,

I took my seat next to a girl.

She held her lyrics, played her guitar, and music began to swirl.

Her hair was sort of messy, but her song was very sweet.

She was singing about a boy, and how love had knocked her off her feet.

“If falling in love is just so easy, why haven’t I fallen out? In my eyes you’re such a mystery. Why can’t I figure you out?”

Her shirt was a floral print,

The blue flowers matched her eyes.

She seemed like a famous musician, under a clothing of disguise.

I could see her becoming famous and playing on the T.V. screen.

Her voice was so sweet and soothing, I couldn’t get enough it seemed.

Staring at her was a guy.

His hair was in his face.

Although I could not see much of them, his eyes made my heart race.

He wore jeans and a long sleeved shirt that fit him just fine.

The guy looked up at me and his eyes began to shine.

His smile was shy and flirty, his hands began to shake, and he got up the courage to come sit with me this late.

He moved the hair from his face, so I could clearly see his eyes.

The next thing I knew he closed them, and kissed me by surprise.

So many thoughts were running in my mind at once.

I didn’t know what to do.

I kissed him back and our eyes opened, just as the doors did too.

I said goodbye to the boy with the most beautiful eyes.

I hope to ride the subway again and never say goodbye.

What If I Said I Could Fly?

I fall into an endless dream every night.

To find when I wake up, that I'm so close to making it real.

And with that said, I'm also finding love.

It may not be the kind of love you see in movies,

or hear in fairy tales...

But it is some what real.

Notice the some what.

We are so different as people.

But we have the same emotions.

We all can love and feel heart ache.

I never knew until now.

It feels like writing an endless story...

That never stops and never will.

That's life.

What if I said I could fly?

I can...

My heart can fly just as far as my dreams.

Passion, and believing in myself.

If we don't believe in ourselves we won't make it far.

Close your eyes.

And picture the most breath taking thing.

How does that make you feel?

That's how life makes me feel.

Forever and ever...

I Lost Myself in the Ocean

I've been sitting here...

Thinking about my next move.

Do I, move forward?

Or do I wait for your love to come to me?

We grow as people...

But we also grow as lovers.

Sometimes I feel like I have lost myself in the ocean...

I lie there floating face down...

Looking at the wonderful things below me.

I'm not ready to bring myself back up into the air.

I'm only ready to show you what I see...

And I'm only ready for you to show me what you see.

Unlocking My Rib Cage

Have you ever wanted to dance in the middle of a field?
Or just laugh for the pure joy of it?

I do....
A lot now actually...

I've been waiting for these moments to come along,
and now they are here.

I am more than excited about life.
I'm working and getting everything I earn.

I earned a good laugh.
I earned a slow dance in your arms.

I've stopped to remember everything I once knew though.
Because without my past I still wouldn't be me.

Even if the me is new and strange.

It feels like my rib cage has been unlocked to
fill the air with so much love and happiness.

I just want to dance and be carefree.
Do you ever feel like that?

I care about you.
Whoever you are.

Last words?

Dream big,
Smile for no reason,
Open your eyes,
and...

Live a little.

Forever Lost, Forever Found... By You.

I have yet to find someone that could understand me.
Until I found you.

So far so good.
I hope this will last a life time.

We live in a world full of love and full of hate.
You and I could love each other to the ends of the earth.

Let's take this slow.
But life will always move faster.

I can't help but get lost in your eyes.
So beautiful....
So innocent.

My past I can only hope,
will not affect everything with us.

I changed.
Really.

And some people don't like me for it.
But I hope you do.

I hope you like me.

Because I like you...

A New Year, A New Beginning

As I looked up into the night sky...
I couldn't help but smile.

Just because I knew you were holding my hand
and you weren't letting go.

You really made my night special.
I felt like I was the luckiest girl in the world.

Your eyes are so beautiful.
I couldn't help but stare into them.

When you held me close and I was wrapped in your arms...
My heart was racing.

Like I was underwater but still breathing.
It happened, but I don't know how it worked.

I'm curious about you.
I wonder what you have in store for me.

If you do that is...

I've never wanted to fall into someone's arms so easily.
Like I have with you.

You're different.
I love it.

I'm ready to see you again.